I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will be naked everywhere
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize