I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My penis needs a shock collar
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
