Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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