she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
