She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
