so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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