Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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