i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
