My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
