I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
