im having a threesome with these popsicles
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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