dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
