Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
birth control should be required to get into college
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
