WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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