Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
