just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
