Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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