It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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