**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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