I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
