yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
