i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
