just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
