you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
