went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
