i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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