Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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