Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
