If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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