He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
