I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
