as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize