They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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