On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
