It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
