I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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