I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
