So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
