I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
