You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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