We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
