see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
