On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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