i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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