Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
