making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
