party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
