Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You are a genius and a whore.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize