I think my fart just growled at me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
