Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
