I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
