can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
