His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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