Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
