Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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