Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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