you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
