i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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