Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
