I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
