She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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