if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
