A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
