Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
