Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
