walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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