is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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