im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
