Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize