Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
